Sixteen years ago this very minute, I woke from a sound sleep and found myself laying in a hospital bed in a large room looking across at a writhing, screeching thing in a bassinet with confused eyes. What was it, where had it come from and why was I alone with it? Oh yeah! I had just had a baby that day. This was my baby. All pale and wriggly and fist pumping the air with authority. I knew she was special even with all that shiny stuff the doctor's had put over her eyes to prevent them from becoming infected.
I smiled, rising from the bed and walking over to take her into my arms. Her name before I met her was going to be Alexandra. She was going to be Alexandra all the way until she'd come out of me. I had had the unique experience of being so high up in the bed to push her out that we'd made immediate eye contact when my child was nothing more real than two shoulders and a head with a very impatient and suspicious look on her face. That look told me everything I would ever need to know about my brand new life as a mommy. She was a Fannie. As she escaped the rest of the way from my body and into the waiting hands of the doctor, I lay back on the bed and looked towards my brother, who stood slightly off to the side weeping and whispered, "I made a Fannie", I looked back at my mother and whispered, "Mama, I made a Fannie." And so that was what we were calling her.
One year and many mistakes later, my brother, sister, sister's best friend, sister's boyfriend, sister's good friend, pastor, sister's boyfriend's brother, sister, eighteen month old nephew and parents, my mama, my best friend, Deb, and Baby Fannie, all gathered together in my sister's large apartment in Queens where all of the chartreuse walls were covered in pink crepe paper and streamers, the good china and crystal lay artistically strewn around the large buffet table where white aproned caterers stood at attention to serve our every gastronomical needs. In the center of the table was a beautiful chocolate cake with white chocolate blocks that said simply "Happy Birthday Baby Fran" and punch.
We laughed and danced and celebrated the life of the little princess who's very birth ended a block war, reunited my estranged sister and mother and brought my brother home in time to cut her cord and hold her close to his chest for three entire weeks. Just after the cake, my sister put on a tape of Stevie Wonder's "Isn't She Lovely" and with me holding her sweetly powdered bottom against my chest, and Carl holding her gurgling, juicy mouthed upper portion against his chest, we had the most special uncle/niece/mommy/daughter dance. It was beautiful and lovely and fun. We even had time to talk about the past and my favorite subject from the past, Daddy. Pastor then said prayers and it turned into a Holy Ghost revival! We all, even little Fannie, were in the spirit, sissy speaking in tongues and we all getting the WORD!
God promised me through my pastor's lips that I would soon have a father for my baby girl and my family would be perfectly righteous in His eyes. That night and the rest of our time up there, turned into a week long revival and spiritual reconnection all centered around the lovely baby Fannie.
Many birthdays passed after that, much in the same manner. Her second birthday was marked by an addition of her new Daddy, Dion. Her third birthday was in New York with my sister and the crew from birthday number one. Fourth was My house in Philly with her family and Dion's family all celebrating together. Fifth birthday was just months after my sister passed away. My lovely sister and Fannie's only Auntie. We struggled with that one and it became a task for my mother and I to chose defiance instead of grief to give Fannie the most rip-roaringest time in the history of Four year old Birthdays. Auntie Tanya and Auntie's Desence and Desiree and Uncle CJ and Uncle Carlo were are there for support and to drown her in happiness.
Many more passed with balloon stomping and Harry Potter movies and New Jersey hopping, and all of them with the ever rotating cast of characters that makes up my family, the ones I was born with and the ones I've picked out along the way melding and intertwining.
Today, she is sixteen years old and it wasn't met with the fanfare of days past. She woke up, gathered her sister and went out all day to enjoy the freedom and responsibility of being just sixteen. None of her adults were there, just Fannie, a select few of her friends and her baby sis. They just walked into the house, and is watching Mulan eating birthday pizza and smiling.
It is with a slightly saddened heart that I announce to all my friends and family, Baby Fannie is just Fannie now. She is proud and strong and beautiful. She's tough as nails and independent, resilient and unusual. She is unique and creative and so strong of a person that even in the face of all the death and chaos that has accosted her throughout her young life, my Fannie smiles in spite of it. Sure that all will always end up in cupcakes, bunny slippers and chocolate milkshakes because God is great, mom fixes all and the rest of her family adores her.
Ladies and Gentlemen, my beautiful baby girl.
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